That Awful Callie Freeman's Birthday

Callie Freeman was an awful little girl who lived two doors down from my grandmother. Her hobbies included being nice to me long enough so I felt secure and then land me a sharp, mean blow to the self esteem. Her hair was blond and her face was a hard thirty-five. We were both in Mrs. Cahill's second grade class where she asked us to grade each other's papers occasionally. One time, Callie Freeman got a hold of my English paper. She gave me an F-, despite that I had every answer right.

I did not like Callie Freeman, and Callie Freeman did not like me.

Mrs. Cahill had a tradition for student birthdays - we would all receive a page to color - a birthday cake with eight candles on it saying "Happy Birthday, _______" and a space to fill out our own message. Students also brought cupcakes to share with the class. The best were chocolate on chocolate.

Callie Freeman brought chocolate on chocolate on her birthday. With sprinkles.

I stared at the page I was supposed to color for her and wish her a happy birthday. I could color it, but my seven year-old integrity told me that I could not wish her a happy birthday. That's something friends do. That's something casual acquaintances do. That's something people who pass each other on the street who have no other connection do. It's not something Callie Freeman and I would do.

I scratched out the "Happy" and included the message, "Even though I don't like you." I handed it in to Mrs. Cahill and left for recess with a clear conscience. Callie Freeman stayed behind to read her cards.

When I returned from recess, Mrs. Cahill took me aside with a crying Callie Freeman at her side. Apparently, my stab at integrity wasn't polite. I tried to explain to Mrs. Cahill that Callie Freeman was mean to me and in no way liked me and that I wished her a birthday, despite the fact that I didn't like her. That was pretty big of me, I kept explaining.

I got punished for that card. And I got into trouble a lot in Mrs. Cahill's class because I would do things like talk and use a swear that was not appropriate - "shut up" (which I had to say a lot to, of course, that awful Callie Freeman). My usual punishment was my name on the board with a checkmark, ten minutes detention.

There was no checkmark. There was not even a name on the blackboard.

There was also no chocolate on chocolate cupcake for me. With sprinkles.

I didn't so much learn my lesson as I heard it smacking on the lips of my classmates. My classmates thanked Callie Freeman for the absolute heaven they just experienced. I may be remembering it wrong, but they thanked her in triplicate and possibly even mistakenly thanked me in their blissful state.

After school, I caught up with Callie Freeman and apologized. I told her that I wish she had a happy birthday. Callie Freeman then revealed the extra cupcake she had to me. She took it out, began to hand it to me...and then threw it in the dirt and stepped on it, making sure the earth and chocolate on chocolate were one.

I never got any justice out of my relationship with Callie Freeman - she moved away after that school year and if she ever resurfaced in town, I never knew. I can only hope that karmically, something happened to that awful Callie Freeman. With sprinkles.